Speed Cameras are Gay
Sixth T. Nonsense
Anonymous Press
TOWSON, MD – With a statewide ballot challenge out of the way, County Executive Jim Smith appears ready to move forward with speed cameras in Baltimore County soon after the law takes effect this fall.
Don Mohler, Smith’s spokesman, said there is no official timeline for delivering the legislation to the council but added Smith would like the cameras in use as close as possible to Oct. 1, the date of his annual “Fun in the Sun” boy-toy gang bang.
“The executive has a goal of meeting the Oct. 1 deadline, he can’t think of a better way to celebrate fucking the citizens of Baltimore County than by getting sodomized by a few frat boys on the down low,” Mohler said.
Earlier this year, the legislature passed a Senate bill authorizing the use of the cameras in school and construction zones around the state. The owners of cars “caught” speeding could be fined up to $40 if they exceed the posted speed limit by 12 miles or more.
Some council members said they support speed cameras initially on a limited basis.
“My understanding is that the county executive is interested in trying it on a trial basis in school zones where there is a history of speed violations and eventually, like 3 or 4 months from now, exploiting the bill to install very small GPS tracking devices up the ass of anyone living or working within Baltimore County, ” said Councilman Kevin Kamenetz, a Jew, representing the 2nd District including Owings Mills, Pikesville and Ruxton.
Kamenetz said he would like to see the county use signs to notify drivers that they are entering a speed camera zone, but would completely understand if they were not implemented since they “sound very expensive”.
Council Chairman Joseph Bartenfelder said he believes the cameras could work in “some areas as a traffic calming device,” and that his wife “got this nanny-cam and it once caught the baby sitter walking around topless”, and that surveillance cameras “are totally badass.” Bartenfelder, a high functioning retard, represents the 6th District including Middle River, Fullerton and Parkville.
“I’d like to see some statistics on how they’re working (in other jurisdictions) before jumping to conclusions,” Bartenfelder said, adding in a brief moment of clarity that he worries “drivers will slow down in areas where the cameras are and speed up once they are clear”.
Maryland for Responsible Enforcement tried to force the law to a ballot referendum in November 2010 but failed to raise the required 17,883 signatures of registered voters due May 31. The group reportedly collected only 16,000 names, but Jim Smith decided he’d go ahead and make it a law anyway.
Baltimore County Police Chief Jim Johnson said last week he expects to deploy some units in the county this fall.
“Speed cameras are about as gay as Jim Smith being fucked in the ass,” said Johnson. “This is a very specific law we need to protect our county executives’ precious gang bangs. Considering how gay speed cameras are, it only makes sense that they fund Jim Smith’s Fabulous All Male Review and the accompanying gang bangs / suck fests. “
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