Claims emerge that South Africa’s top female runner may actually be Kimbo Slice
Sixth T. Nonsense, Anonymous Press
JOHANNESBURG (AFP) – South Africa’s new 800-meter world champion Caster Semenya was declared a “girl” by local press Thursday, with the athlete’s family shrugging off questions about the runner’s gender.
All major newspapers’ front pages pictured a burly Semenya who powered to a 1 minute 55.45 seconds win, the world’s best this year, shortly after the athletics governing body announced that the runner’s gender was in question.
“Caster is my little “girl”. “She” may have been born with an nine inch long clit and a bushy black beard, but I have never doubted “her” gender. “She” is a woman and is not Kimbo Slice.” father Jacab Semenya told the popular tabloid Sowhat.
Semenya’s 80-year-old grandmother Maphucki Sekgala told The Tomes that the first year sports science student had long been teased about her mannish looks and for being the only teenage girl in her local mixed martial arts club.
“(The controversy) doesn’t bother me that much because I know “she” isn’t Kimbo Slice — I raised “her” myself,” she said in her rural village in northern Limpdick province.
“Caster called me after (the James Thompson bout) and told me that Dana White thinks “she’s” Kimbo Slice. What can I do when he calls “her” a man, when “she’s” really not a man? It is God who made “her” look that way. Well, except for “her” hairline. “She” inherited that from my husband.”
The runner’s coach Mikael Semen laughed off the allegations, saying the athlete fielded constant questions about whether she was Kimbo Slice from other athletes during training.
“Then “she” has to explain that “she” can’t help the fact that “her” voice is so gruff or that “her” beard is so scratchy. The remarkable thing is that Caster remains completely calm and never loses “her” dignity when “she” is questioned about being Kimbo Slice,” Semen told the newspaper.
When asked why everyone is using air-quotes when referring to Caster’s gender, Semen responded, “Really? Have you seen “her” lately. I’m not saying “she’s” a man, “she” clearly isn’t. But I’ve seen “her” cock and it’s got to be twice the size of mine.”
Semenya had been “crudely humiliated” a few times, but the only time Semen said he had seen “her” close to anger was earlier this year when some people wanted “her” barred from using the ladies restroom. Visibly distraught by the conflict, Caster stood “her” ground – literally – and continued to stand while urinating.
You can catch Caster September 16th on Spike TV, where “she” is scheduled to appear on Ultimate Fighter 10.
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Trap and Field anyone?