News
Nancy Pelosi ‘Abortion Decision Not An Easy One’
The sudden spasm of intense debate over Nancy Pelosi’s abortion on Capitol Hill this week threatens not only to stall the passage of health care legislation, but also to shatter the delicate cease-fire that has governed the Pelosi abortion issue during the Obama era. After months of dodging high-profile confrontations over abortion, Democrats — including... »
Clinton Takes Bold Stand Against Women’s Suffrage
MOSCOW – In a surprise move Wednesday, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton called for Russia to take a hard stance against women’s sufferage. On the second day of her Moscow visit, at the end of a European tour, U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton voiced concerns over recent occurrences of women’s suffrage in... »
Al-Qaida No. 2 calls Public Health Care ‘fraud’
CAIRO – Al-Qaida’s deputy leader on Monday seized upon President Barack Obama’s failure to bring about health care reform and called him a “fraud” in a new audio message. Ayman al-Zawahri’s 28-minute audio message was mainly a jab at the looming death panels, but he also took the opportunity to slam the public option, which... »
Report: 35 Million Are Living With Derp
WASHINGTON – New estimates project that more than 35 million people around the world are living with Alzheimer’s disease or other types of dementia – an ominous forecast as the world’s growing population grays. The new eskimo is about 10 percent higher than what scientists had predicted just a couple years ago, because earlier research... »
Pro-Lifers Champion Legal Rights Of Omelets
Anonymous Press DENVER, Colo. – There’s nothing subtle about the sales pitch by hot breakfast opponents who are gathering signatures at the Emaciated Christ Church 32nd Annual Fall Carnival for a ballot measure that would give legal rights to omelets. “Would you like to sign a petition to stop omelets?” asks Keith Bacon, head of suburban... »
Swine Flu Studies: 1 Dose Of Vaccine Is Enough
Sixth T. Nonsense Anonymous Press, Medical Writer BALTIMORE - Good news in the world’s swine flu fight: One dose of the new H1N1 flu vaccine looks strong enough to infect adults — and can be transmitted within 10 days of the shot, Austrian and U.S. researchers said Thursday. Austrian shot maker H.O.A.X. Ltd. published results of a... »
Embattled Track Star Caster Semenya Gets A New Look
Caster Semenya just got a brand new makeover. You may remember the South African runner from a controversy stemming from last month’s world track championships. Semenya was forced to undergo genetic testing to prove that she was not in fact Kimbo Slice. In an effort to put critics to rest, Semenya last week appeared on... »
Speed Cameras are Gay
Sixth T. Nonsense Anonymous Press TOWSON, MD – With a statewide ballot challenge out of the way, County Executive Jim Smith appears ready to move forward with speed cameras in Baltimore County soon after the law takes effect this fall. Don Mohler, Smith’s spokesman, said there is no official timeline for delivering the legislation to the council... »
Claims emerge that South Africa’s top female runner may actually be Kimbo Slice
Sixth T. Nonsense, Anonymous Press JOHANNESBURG (AFP) – South Africa’s new 800-meter world champion Caster Semenya was declared a “girl” by local press Thursday, with the athlete’s family shrugging off questions about the runner’s gender. All major newspapers’ front pages pictured a burly Semenya who powered to a 1 minute 55.45 seconds win, the world’s... »
Most U.S. Cocaine Laced With Money
Sixth T. Nonsense, Anonymous Press (BALTIMORE) Traces of paper money taint up to 90% of cocaine in the United States, a new study finds. A group of scientists tested eight-balls from more than 30 cities in five countries, including the United States, Canada, Brazil, China, and Japan, and found “alarming” evidence of paper currency use... »
3 NJ Hiker’s Detained in Philadelphia
PHILADELPHIA– Three American hikers detained in Philadelphia for nearly two weeks entered the city by mistake and their families are hoping for a quick resolution that will reunite them with their children, the families said in a statement Tuesday. Joshua Fatty, freelance journalist Shane Bear and Bear’s girlfriend, Sarah Loud, were hiking near a river... »
Speed Cameras in Baltimore County
For those of you residing in Maryland, it looks like the Baltimore County County Council is debating installing 12 speed cameras on streets near school zones. The initiative has received a great deal of resistance. Many argue that the motive behind the new initiative is revenue – not safety. The police had this to say... »
North Korean Diplomats Are Hilarious
Breaking news from Thailand. Hillary Clinton is on her first trip abroad since breaking her elbow last month. While in Phuket, Thailand Clinton met with a number of Asian leaders. And, guess who was there? That’s right. China’s crazy little nephew, the one, the only… North Korea. There appearance wasn’t a let down either, they had this to... »
Full Page Ads Are Gone
You spoke and we listened. A number of you complained about our full page ads system. You worried that the shady bastards supplying our ads would give you a virus. So guess what we did? You got it. We removed the sons of bitches. When visiting The 6th Nonsense you will no longer see full page ads. If... »
Sotomayor Receives Green Light From Senate (NSFW SATIRE)
Sonia Sotomayor pushed back vigorously Tuesday against Republican charges that she would bring bias and a liberal agenda to her her new role, insisting repeatedly she would be impartial as GOP senators tried to undercut her with her own words from past speeches. For all the pointed questioning in a grueling, daylong hearing, there was... »
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